An Open Letter to the Parent whose Child is Growing Up Way Too Fast

There are moments when we just want to hold our kids tight and whisper, “Stop. Stop growing up quite so fast.” Here are some thoughts for those days.

Dear Parent whose Child is Growing Up Way Too Fast,

I get it.

I know what it’s like to want to stop time, to wish we could freeze moments and make them last forever. Hey, I’m the parent who starts crying in the spring because my child will be a grade older in the fall. Crazy, I know.

But I also know that not everyday in parenting brings such blissful desires.

Undoubtedly, parenting brings with it some of the hardest days. Sometimes the noise level reaches decibels that ought only to be measured at rock concerts. Other days, exhaustion collapses what patience we once had. There are real questions about how to help our kids understand the choices that will bring lasting happiness and how to comfort them when they’ve had a rotten day or month.

At times we doubt our own capabilities or choices. Maybe we feel we are not doing enough to help our kids or maybe we feel like we just cannot do all that seems to be required of us. We might feel that we are wasting away these precious moments and that our parenting days will be over before we’ve got it figured out.

However, in the end, even these difficulties we wouldn’t trade because of all the good that comes with them.

A toddler’s belly laugh can turn our day around. Once in while, a day without arguing passes, and we see that our efforts at inner-clan reconciliation just might be paying off. Small things like a sincere thank you after homework help, “You forgot to hug me” at bedtime, or a carefree game of “Go Fish” create a beautiful life with Littles.

Then there are those moments that make your heart stop: those moments when you realize you are so completely in love with this little being and that time is passing too quickly.

The feeling might hit with a milestone like the first step, first lost tooth, or first day of high school. It might come during a sleepless night with a sick child or during a snuggle in the Emergency Room. Sometimes all it takes is for the chaos to move to the background for a moment, and for us to catch the bright, innocent eyes of these Littles who are entrusted to our care.

In these moments, we just want to hold our Littles tight and whisper, “Stop. Stop growing up quite so fast.”

Unfortunately, and probably fortunately too, we can’t stop time. Therefore, I want to share a few things for all of us to remember when we feel like our kids are growing up way too fast.

When The Kids are Growing Up Way Too Fast…

First, record the details.

You may think you will remember that cute thing your son said every night before bed for two years, but chances are, you won’t. You might believe that what made your daughter laugh and what made you cry tears of joy will be forever etched in your memory. However, they probably aren’t.

You will never forget the way things made you feel, but if you want to remember the details too, record them.

Get a journal and write once a day, once a week, or once a month. The frequency doesn’t really matter. Recording anything is better than nothing. Take pictures and turn on the camera for a few minutes of “Chaos Live, Brought to You by Our Family!”

Most of our clearest memories have been recorded in one way or another and are, therefore, revisited.

Second, remember that there is hope going forward.

I remember talking to one of my brothers when Little #1 was just learning to crawl and play. I told him I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having with her and that I didn’t want her to grow up. His first child was born one year before ours.

“Just wait,” he said. “It gets even better.”

I didn’t believe him.

But he was right.

You’ve already experienced this. Every stage has wonderful aspects to it. (Although I hear the jury is still out on seventh grade. I’ll let you know what I think when we get there.) There are benefits to being out of “diaper-all-day stage.” It’s really fun to see each child’s personality develop and watch what they embrace as they develop. My parents say we’re even still fun as adults and that grandparenting is “different but amazing.” (Again, I’ll let you know how I feel when we get there.)

Let us cry and mourn the passing of time when we need to, but let us also embrace each new norm and look forward to good times to come.

Third, cultivate a relationship that will keep them coming back.

Unfortunately, in most cases, if we do our job well and things go right, our kids will grow up and leave us. We will teach them life skills and pass on as much knowledge as we can. Hopefully, we’ll teach them how to communicate, have compassion, and build meaningful relationships that last. We will teach them how to survive and thrive without us.

But our kids leave us long before that as well. They leave us for the day in kindergarten and for the night as teens. Sometimes they may even create emotional distance that feels like they’re miles away. I can think of nothing I want more than for my children to always come back.

Although at times, it may seem our kids only come back to us for money, we can keep them coming back for much more too. As we serve and love them today, we cultivate a relationship that sends a powerful message.

That message is, “I am on your side.”

We send that message by the way we discipline, what we teach, and how we choose to spend our time. Even if we have a different vision of particulars than our children, we can show our kids that what is important to them is important to us. Our kids can know that because we love them so much, we always want what is really best for them.

When our kids feel the truth in the sentiment that we are truly on their side, they trust our motivation and no matter what life choices they make, we can be close to them. Even when they grow up, go off, or stay away (physically or emotionally) longer than we’d like, they will keep coming back to share laughter and hugs, difficulties and tears.

So Today…

So today, record a detail of your life with Littles and look forward to good times to come. Keep your phone away for a second longer, listen a little closer, and empathize a little deeper. As we live in this way, we may find even greater joy in parenting and want to slow time even more. However, we will also know that even with our faults, our hearts are in this parenting thing. We are doing all we can in this moment. And with a little luck, as we soak up the details and put our best parenting self forward, time may even feel as if it is slowing down once in a while.

But no matter what, regardless of how fast they grow up and how old they get, our children are ours forever.

Aren’t we lucky?

Sending love.

From,

A Parent whose Child is Also Growing Up Way Too Fast

What do you do when you feel like your child is growing up too fast? What are some of your favorite memories or moments with your kids? Please share in the comments.

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